thinking...or something

Contents

response to 'how to meet girls in 2025'

I read suboptimalism's post on 'how to meet girls in 2025'. What was meant to be a comment quickly outgrew reasonable length...so I shall respond on my website. I am a girl (who exists in 2025), so I offer up the perspective of someone from his targeted demographic.

people not Wanting It anymore
I wonder if covid is closely related to this---people found alternatives to being around other people, realized how easy they are, and never looked back. Fictional, AI, and parasocial relationships offer all of the surface-level benefits of relationships, subtract all of the negatives, and are non-transactional.
I'm also convinced that growing up around social media / the internet has damaged how people think about relationships. We interact with people from a distance and don't bridge the divide. Because we don't bridge the divide, we don't think about what relationships and what we want from them. Then, we don't seek out relationships---why should we?
cold approaching and pickup artists
A broken clock is right twice a day. One can approach women in public without being a creep. Responses will vary; however, given time, you may encounter a woman who is fine being approached. Congrats. Treat her like a person who you're interested in talking to / getting to know, _em_ not solely a romantic prospect.
I remember this guy who asked me about the weather while I was leaving the library. I also remember a guy who made some polite comments about odd behavior on the street. These are two strange men who spoke to me and left a positive impression. Had I not been busy, I would have pushed the 'neutral remarks about environmental factors' to 'conversation ft. ourselves.' The ones who left a negative impression are the ones who wanted something from me and ones who wanted to give something to me.
why is this not cool???
Oh, you sweet summer child. A guy dressed in a paratrooper costume has made his hobby his personality. What's wrong with that? If a woman is interested in your hobby, it'll appeal to them. But most woman won't appreciate the paratrooper costume. They'll see it as childish. Why aren't you interacting with the real world? What can a guy in a paratrooper costume do for me? If he's obsessed with his hobby, does he have anything to bring to this relationship that benefits me?
irl matchmaking
I've seen matchmaking and speed-dating events on meetup. Meetup can also be a place to find people who share your interests---and not every event posted there is in-person. People also arrange events for the vague purpose of meeting others (thinking of a hiking group I'd once seen).
relevant comic about speed dating and alternate universes.
ao3 demographics survey
This is the first time I've seen someone else cite this survey...very important information.
"the allegory of the gooncave"
Terminally online language attracts terminally online women. You will not find terminally online women in the offline world. Try public discord servers (ex. see Disboard). There are matchmaking servers. I can't speak to their quality...but you do need to put in effort and wander around a few servers to find results. You are trying to socialize online. Be warned.
on those matchmaking substacks...here's a bad idea
Set up a Neocities site dedicated to matchmaking. Users could submit profiles of themselves (answer a survey), provide a link to their Neocities site, and a contact method...like placing dating ads in a newspaper. If you don't meet your match, at least you'll help other people find theirs.
becoming a regular
Regulars recognize regulars. Regulars learn about each other via osmosis (witnessing what people tend to order and do). These casual observations provide a gateway to ~human interaction~.
Become a regular before surveying the laptop people. Alternatively, embark on a quest to survey all local cafes. Avoid phone / TikTok people at all costs; they haven't experienced the real world in years.
keep appearing at local events?
very questionable way to meet women
Sometimes, men post rooms for rent on Craigslist. Some of these rooms are 'free for a young woman going through a rough patch.' The listing clarifies that the bedroom is not private.
college
Classes at community colleges cater to adult learners. Yes, you have to pay (depending on the state), but you'll learn something and meet new people. This also fits into the "learn (more about) a hobby" agenda.
Look at a college's events calendar. Colleges do have guest speakers come in and give talks (bonus: sometimes the event comes with free food) and music performances (from students and / or outsiders).
Nothing will stop you from sitting in a college library all day...
take an immoral page out of fight club...
...and start visiting support groups. Were you looking for ethical ways to encounter women?
building on ophanim's comment ("suboptimalism, if its any help, i find you charming and im a girl .... you would be a big hit if autistic girls went outside of their rooms more often"): start a support group targeting autistic women. Congrats: there's your cult.
re. 20
There are people your age attending church and Bible study groups. Different churches attract different groups of people (and the audience for a 10am mass isn't the same as the audience for the Saturday night mass). Some people are religious. Some religious woman are looking for a guy who will become their---what's that word again? Oh, right, they want to be married with kids. All according to the faith.
re. 25
yes.

suggested reading

Smashing The Iron Rice Bowl: Chinese East Asia

I'm reading the works on this syllabus for a class I found on MIT OCW. Here, I am recording my 'responses' to readings for each week.

Lecture 1

The assignment for the first lecture was to watch The King of Masks (1996), which is available (20250330) on Youtube and Pluto. The movie takes place in 1930s China and follows the titular character, whose surname is Wang, in his attempts to pass down his craft, bian lian. Bian lian, also referred to as "change-face opera," is a performance art where the performer appears to seamlessly change masks throughout his performance. This craft is passed down through male heirs of a family. Wang's wife left him a few decades ago, and his son died at the age of ten. Wang manages to buy a seven-year-old who portrays herself as a boy; she is nicknamed 'Doggie.' When he finds out she's a girl, he tries to abandon her; however, her desperation seems to convince him to keep her. He teaches her to walk on her hands, but he will not teach her bian lian. One night, while she's looking at his masks, she accidentally sets the boat on fire. They part ways. She is kidnapped and meets Wan Tianci, a four-year-old who was also kidnapped. The two of them escape. She leaves Tianci with Wang. Wang is later arrested and charged with the string of kidnappings. Doggie finds one of Wang's friends; they are able to convince some soldiers to release Wang. The movie ends with Wang teaching bian lian to Doggie.

This movie depicted the conflict between traditional and modern values in 1930s China. While Wang is desperate to pass on his craft, he is only willing to teach it to a male. When he is in jail, a guard notes that Wang "has five days left," implying that Wang is meant to die. His insistence on following tradition and only passing his craft on to a male means his craft nearly dies with him. He doesn't consider teaching Doggie his craft until a friend, Master Liang, suggests he does. This is seen as him repaying Doggie (and, to a lesser extent, Master Liang) for saving his life.

This movie also depicted poverty and the poor treatment of children which came out of it. Doggie says her home was lost in a flood. The mothers who are trying to sell their children also cite a flood as being the only reason why they're willing to part with their offspring. This is likely a reference to floods in 1931 which resulted in hundreds of thousands of deaths. Many drowned or died due to disease and starvation which were a consequence of the floods. People may have been unable to take care of their children and desperate to find other homes for their children or find some money for themselves. Many of the mothers promise that their daughters will cook and clean for whoever buys them; this demonstrates children being used as a commodity. Doggie also says she was sold seven times because the people who bought her treated girls poorly. This is why she tries to pass as a boy: she wants to be treated well. Wang's reaction to finding out she's a female exemplifies her problem. He is fine with her when he thinks she's a boy; when he learns she isn't, he immediately tries to get rid of her.

Lecture 2

Reading: The Search for Modern China, by Jonathan Spence. pg1-137.

This section covered the fall of the Ming dynasty and the start of the Qing dynasty. The fall of the Ming dynasty was characterized by tax issues, corruption, and a complacent emperor. These issues demonstrated a government which strayed from classical Chinese values; citizens did not appreciate this. The Qing dynasty was led by the Manchus, who invaded from slightly north of China. Many Chinese were sympathetic to the Qing cause, thus were willing to cooperate with the new rulers.

Qing rulers emphasized their interest in classical Chinese values/literature. Emperor Kangxi, the second Qing emperor, issued a set of maxims which summarized Confucian values. These maxims, known as the Sacred Edict, were taught throughout China. Towns/villages received lectures on a maxim twice a month. Emperor Kangxi also ordered the compilation of a history of the Ming dynasty, which demonstrated his respect for history. Later emperors would order the creation of other books which covered important works of Chinese literature. China's continued interest in her history may have been able to use history / tradition to create a shared ideology which bound the vast population together. Through Confucianism and a respect for the past, the nation was able to cultivate values which its citizens strove to uphold.

Despite the emphasis on a good life and respect for others, corruption still ran amock. Wealthy landowners were able to abuse government systems to reduce/eliminate the taxes they owed the government. Emperor Yongzheng headed an effort to create an accurate land registry. He faced the greatest pushback in areas where powerful, retired officials lived. There were landowners who had divided their landownings amongst hundreds of pseudonyms. Auditor's examinations of these areas were met with severe difficulty because of the influence these landowners held. While auditors were able to put together instances of tax fraud and calculate how much money they owed, they struggled to pinpoint who was guilty and collect money that was owed.

response to 'discourse on thinking'

Discourse on Thinking, by Martin Heidegger, is composed of two parts. The first section is the memorial address he gave at a celebration of composer Conradin Kreutzer in 1955. The second part, titled "Conversation on a Country Path," is a dialogue which elaborates on the concepts presented in the memorial address. While reading the memorial address, I was reminded of contemporary issues. He references a flight from thinking, overvaluation of calculative thinking, and an overvaluation of effortless pleasure. In doing so, he manages to foreshadow the extent to which contemporary society has fled from meditative thinking.

Heidegger defines calculative thinking as computing possibilities. He gives examples in regards to sciences and the economy, such as the development of the hydrogen bomb, atomic energy, and fuel sources. His definition of meditative thinking is less precise. Meditative thinking is rooted in reflection, "releasment towards things," and "openness to the mystery."

"Man today is in flight from thinking" (pg45) can be related to contemporary social media usage. Algorithms choose what users will see. Algorithms create a profile of the user to understand the user's tastes. Because of this, users do not need to think. Users don't need to consider what they like and don't like, or what they'd like to look into. Their ecosystem of choice---be it TikTok, Facebook, Instagram, etc.---does the work for them. Users need not have a personality or hobbies. Their social media does it for them. "Mindless consumption" may be an overused term, but it is accurate. Users are trapped in a cycle of thoughtless content consumption. This cycle re-enforces itself; why break free when 'happiness' is right there? Social media provides no incentive to engage in calculative or meditative thinking. Social media also represents a flight from thinking because it has replaced boredom. Instead of sitting with one's thoughts---the first step to engaging in any kind of thinking---one pulls out their phone and consumes. Users of social media have rendered thinking obsolete. They do not need to think. Contemporary abuse of social media represents a completion of what Heidegger spoke of in 1955. Social media companies have encouraged a flight from thinking, and users have fled appropriately.

When Heidegger proposes man's flight from thinking, he brings up a simple rebuttal: "there were at no time such far-reaching plans, so many inquiries in so many areas, research carried on as passionately as today" (pg45). One may repeat the same statement today. With constant research and (scientific) development, how can one say we are in flight from thinking? Calculative thinking has resulted in the development of AI. Calculative thinking has allowed people to create a tool to complete the flight from thinking. Why think, when AI will be able to do so for us. Generative AI may be the worst offender of thinking. Why create, which is to engage in what makes us human, when AI can do so for us? Why seek out new content that may be interesting, when AI can create interesting content for us? Society has begun to offload thinking onto computers in the name of efficiency. While calculative thinking is valued in today's world, and is leading to a constant improvement in understanding the world, it still represents a flight from meditative thinking. AI, a display of the powers of calculative thinking, is a tool which allows users to flee from thinking altogether.

How can this flight from thinking be countered? Heidegger proposes an ambivalent relationship to technology: use them, but "let them alone as something which does not affect our inner and real core. We can affirm the unavoidable use of technical devices, and also deny them the right to dominate us, and so to warp, confuse, and lay waste to our nature." This relationship represents his idea of "releasment towards things." By using technology, understanding one's relationship with technology, and not allowing technology---a tool to fly from thought---to control one's life, one begins to engage in meditative thinking. To counter the flight from thinking, one must understand how they have fled from thinking---the first step to thinking!---and reject their flight from thinking. Then one will be able to engage in thinking and being.